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The Not So Weekly Daley: Another day at the Iran War/peace talks … - Mountain Democrat
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Original Article
The Not So Weekly Daley: Another day at the Iran War/peace talks … - Mountain Democrat
As happens occasionally, I just got a “package” from my best confidential source in Washington, D.C. It was in that familiar plain brown envelope (familiar to me only), and it was bulging with a full ream of papers, writing on both sides. I have edited them for clarity and brevity.
They are allegedly transcripts of several sessions featuring Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff for our team negotiating with Iran’s Speaker of Parliament, Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf (aka Qalibaf). Iran has other negotiators, but evidently nobody knows their names. The transcripts simply note them as “Iran’s other guys.”
I will use the first initial of each speaker’s surname, thus K for Kushner, W for Witkoff and Gh for Ghalibaf. Other participants may be identified likewise, such as V for Vice President JD Vance.
Unless otherwise noted, consider all these recorded dialogues in quotation marks.
Gh: Good morning lackies of the Great Satan, I trust you slept well. And what shall we talk about on this fine day? Tea, coffee?
K or W: Morning, Mo. Thought you dogs ran out of tea last week or was it the clean water (smirking emoji)?
W: But coffee, clean water, if you have it. Oh hey, seen your Supposed Leader-baf (sic) lately?
Gh: It’s our Supreme Leader, you puny infidels, and how about topic one, OUR Strait of Hormuz?
W: Yeah, I’m still thinking beachfront resorts right there, 18 holes, co-ed spa, no face or head rags for the ladies, swim-up bars, Cuban cigars, the works.
Gh: We are thinking many hundred billions plus interest, up front. And close all U.S. bases on your Arab minions’ lands.
K: Want in on a billion dollar tungsten mine, sweet deal in Kazakhstan, Mo? Get in on the ground floor. I can make it happen — between you 'n' me, OK?
Gh: For Iran, not for me. Will get back to you. Finders fee, yes?
W: Ever think about a villa in NYC, Mo? I have a couple left, family rate for you and your Heathen buddies. But they won’t last. So, LMK asap.
Gh: Thanks, Steve. I would need at least 12 rooms, three bathrooms, prayer room, real, green grass in the yards, pool and hot tub, of course. BTW, can’t you do something about Israel and Hezbolla? Gotta get that under control.
W: You know, our Supreme Leader, DJT, has said Israel does what he tells them to do so, no worries there.
K & W: Yo, Dick (sic) aarrh aarrh. Whatcha doin’ here?
V: Boss wants an update asap. Sorry, gotta run, keep in touch, Ciao.
K: He runs errands. “Always liked Nixon.” Another Dick. (low chuckles).
Gh: Ok, Sulphureous imps from Hades, good discussion/negotiation today. Same time tmrw. And guys, please, keep your bombs away from my house. You have the address.
K or W: Later Dog dude dude! We’ll bring the coffee water … (snarky giggles)
This pretty much ends the first tranche of transcripts. My source says there’s a lot more to come. I will keep you apprised as plain brown envelopes become available to me only. Ciao for now …
Chris Daley is a biweekly columnist for the Mountain Democrat.